I wrote a little something, just to capture the feeling I had. I wanted to preserve the longing I felt stirring restlessly inside.
Write on Fire
I wanna write on fire.
Not with fire like a sparkler in the night.
Not like some imaginary, magical way of literally writing on a fleeting flame.
Writing with abandon, with freedom, with vigor; that's what I want.
No more tiredness, mental fogginess, laziness, sleeping muses.
When I wish upon a star, my heart's desire is to create something new from the depths of my soul. It's not to work hard and make money to pay bills and do it all over again. No. It's to be free to be me. Happily.
I don't like sparklers.
It would be cool to send messages by flame, but impractical and too fleeting.
I want to pen and pen and type and type with flurry, gusto, heart, and drive.
I wrote this because I was thinking about this 'job' thing I have where I get up early, work, come home, work some more, go to bed, and do it all over again. I was thinking about my schedule and how I schedule time to do fun things to break up the monotony. I was thinking about how when it is time for those fun things, sometimes I have NO energy left to do them.
Skipping the fun things is not cool.
But I have to have a job.
People read my writing and thought I meant that writing WAS my job. I get that. It can be read that way. I have tried to do freelance work, but never found a job request I wanted to write. I do not want to write for someone else. That is the problem. I want to write what I feel like writing. If I could write for me, for fun, AND make money, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It would free up those hours of monotony I have in my J-O-B.
If I were a writer, I'd get to do things my way.
But I'd never stick to a schedule the way I plan it out! I am okay with that, as long as things get done before deadlines. .. Whatever those deadlines may be.
I guess what I need to do is find what motivates me to write before anything else. I know what that is.
When I have friends to spark ideas, to write with, and to collaborate, I do my best work. I need a challenge posted from a colleague.
If I want to write on fire, I have to go find friends.